Remembering my Dad

Hello everyone. Thank you for being here to celebrate Kirk’s life. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Anne Kramer, one of Kirk’s three children. And since he was my Dad, that’s how I’ll refer to him for the rest of this speech.

Very few of us were lucky enough to know my Dad throughout his whole life. Some of us, like me, didn’t know life without my Dad, until now. My goal today is to honor my Dad by remembering all the little choices he made throughout his life that added up to making him the incredible man we all knew. I will tell his story not just through my recollection, but also through the memories, stories and quotes of others who were gracious enough to talk to me these past few weeks. 

I must also disclose that I will cry. My Dad was my moral compass, my professional mentor, my support system, my aspiration for exercising first thing in the morning and so many more things. I cry because I loved my Dad deeply and I always will. 

Dad lived a full life and he was loved. He had 3 kids, 1 wife and 7 dogs. He lived on 4 continents and traveled to upwards of 30 countries. He worked for 3 companies, 2 of them for over 10 years.  

The Early Years

Dad was born in Hugoton, KS in 1955, the location of the family farm and homestead. My Dad and his family moved around the first 10 years of his life from Lawrence, KS to Boston to Denver. Given the relative proximity, he and his brother, Cliff, spent many childhood summers at the family cabin in La Veta. They clambored all over Wahatoya canyon and my Dad recounted stories of hiking along the dykes and up to an abandoned saw-mill. In his pre-teen years, my Dad joined the scouts where, in high school, he would rise to the ranks of Eagle Scouts. His globe-trotting days began when my Grandfather’s job moved the family to Kuwait for a year. They relocated there by way of an extended trip through Europe. 

The family moved again to Buenos Aries, Argentina when my Dad was in 7th grade and they stayed through his high school graduation. In Argentina, my Dad learned to speak Spanish fluently and developed a taste for red wine, especially Malbecs. His report cards, which we found recently and have one on display, speak for themselves: he was a model student. Despite only receiving a B+ in gym he was also a serious athlete, on the basketball, track and football teams. The most important thing he found in Argentina was my Mom. 

Enter Kate 

After she asked him to the Sadie Hawken’s dance Junior year, my parents were an item. Go Mom!

My Dad attended Williams College in Williamstown, MA. His college years were devoted to studying, spending time with people who would become lifelong friends and making time for Mom, who was not far away at Smith College. According to one of these friends, a group of 5 of them their senior year would enjoy “Friday Pub Club” where every Friday they would grab a beer then drive to a “disco” where they would listen to music and dance. There’s a picture floating around of my Dad and I dancing together more than 10 years ago: you can tell that we both had skills. 

During college summers Dad went back to the farm in Hugoton, KS. On one of our road trips to the farm, my Dad told me stories of how the irrigation systems improved dramatically over time, but when he was in college, he was in charge of “moving pipe” - hauling heavy metal piping from field to field (and sometimes cleaning out dead animals that got trapped in the water flow). My Dad would stay dedicated to the farm and would later become a farm partner in operations and land ownership in 1992 (in his late 30s).

My Dad married my Mom in 1976, senior year of college in the small Swiss town of Genthod (Jean-Toe).

Starting a Family & Career Beginnings

In his early 20s, my Dad lived in 2 continents, went to business school & had 2 children. Impressive! I did 1 of those 3 when I was in my 20s (I’ll let you guess!) After graduating from Williams Magna Cum Laude, my Dad and Mom moved to NYC where my Dad started his first job in finance with JP Morgan. The same job took them briefly to Australia for 3 months. After working for 2 years they moved to Boston where my Dad got his MBA at Harvard Business School. John was born in 1978. The three of them lived in a small apartment together in Brooklyn where my Mom said all the Italian ladies cooed over him. Look for pictures for baby John in the slideshow and you will understand why. Tom was born in 1980 to significantly less coo-ing from Italian ladies. 

In his late 20s my Dad started working at Mercer Management Consulting, where he would work for more than 20 years. According to a long-time colleague and friend, my Dad’s 20 years at Mercer were marked by: creating, building and growing new practices; deep relationships with his clients; and a tremendous amount of investment in people. After his 20 years he had helped smooth over a nasty merger, built practices in 2 international offices, and mentored many. According to this same friend “so many of us are where we are due to Kirk, including me.”

Outside of work, Dad spent time with “the boys” and summers at my Aunt’s former beach house in Mattapoisett, MA.

Expanded Family & International Living

My Dad’s 30s and 40s were marked with adventure: 10 years of living abroad in London and Hong Kong and my arrival.

His work dominated his life in these 10 years: his international projects had him frequently traveling, sometimes for weeks at a time. Thus, my memories of Dad in these years are exclusively from our amazing family vacations. In those 10 years he visited 23 countries - that’s a conservative estimate! Check out the slideshow for great pictures of our 1990s fashion, elephant rides in India, ruins in Cambodia, and so many others. 

In his early 40s a kick in the pants from his doctor helped him kick-start his fitness journey. He started playing tennis and picked up the habit of going to the gym daily. Those who knew him well knew that he was up and exercising, whether an early morning walk or a stint in the gym, everyday for the rest of his life.

Back to the US & Bridgespan

In his late 40s to early 50s we returned to the US and my Dad discovered himself professionally. In 2003 my Mom, Dad and I moved to Chicago where my Dad lived until 2006 while he continued to work for Mercer. In 2006, he was recruited as a Partner to non-profit consultancy Bridgespan. Apparently he was originally contacted to see if he knew anyone interested in the role - half-way through the conversation Dad nominated himself! For the next year my Dad got the best of both worlds: he lived in Boston during the week with my brothers, Tom & John, in an apartment with a pool table for a dining table and watched The Wire and 24. On the weekends, he flew back to Chicago to stay with my Mom and I. During those weekends he was in Chicago, I have fond memories of us rollerblading together and eating ice cream on the pier.

Professionally, my Dad had entered the best years of his life. He started talking about work at home with a passion and enthusiasm I had never seen before. As a friend of his told me, “he found himself when he went to Bridgespan.” He channeled his expertise in organizational excellence to helping Boys Town, Chicago Public Schools and so many more. 

A few years into his time at Bridgespan, he founded a group called Leading for Impact, a year long workshop for local non-profit executives to build their teams, hone their management skills and share common challenges & best practices. Leading For Impact just reached its 10 year milestone. It is now a 20 person practice, has helped 260 non-profits in 6 cities, and now has a digital learning practice. 

When news of my Dad’s death was shared within Bridgespan there was an outpouring of emotion. His legacy was not awards nor accolades: it was how he treated people. I’ll use some of their words to demonstrate.  

• “He saw people in a way that many people wouldn’t. He saw everyone in the room, no matter their title”

• “He was a no B.S. guy. He would call you out. His complete directness at the time felt horrifying but afterwards I was so grateful. His honesty was a gift. I knew I could always trust him completely”

• “He may not have been a founder of Bridgespan, but his fingerprints are everywhere”

• “As one of the few leaders of color, he was my sponsor that fought for me and allowed me to succeed. He did the right thing before it was cool”

Cancer Diagnosis & Retirement

In 2016, he was diagnosed with cancer. He and my Mom worked as a team over the next few years as he fought the disease. These years marked the biggest change in my personal relationship with my Dad. My Dad had been a steadfast provider, physically strong and always in control for my whole life. It was hard to come to terms with his vulnerability, but it made us closer. I started prioritizing long visits home to see my parents and deliberately would reach out to my Dad more than ever for advice on everything from books to major career decisions.  

Soon after his diagnosis, my Dad started preparing for the end of his life. In a way, I have been coming to terms with my Dad’s potential death for 6 years. He started practical financial conversations with phrases like “when I die” that shot through my heart. Nothing could have prepared us for the suddenness of his death, but, in a way, his preparation made his passing easier on us all. 

Many of you in the room know that my Mom and Dad started building their home here in La Veta almost 10 years ago and moved here full-time in 2020 when my Dad “retired”. It was here that my Dad was happiest. Knowing that he passed in his happy place is what keeps me smiling.

Final Remembrance

How should we remember a man who lived so fully and with as much depth as my Dad? I’ll close by using 3 words that I have heard the most people use to describe him: intelligent, adventurous and devoted. 

Intelligent

Similar words I’ve heard include: smart, work-horse, wise and thorough. My Dad read more books than anyone I’ve ever met and we got into a tradition of exchanging books on leadership, race, climate change etc. His work colleagues at Bridgespan described him as “always seeing the right answer” (and not being afraid to voice it!) His college friend described him as “one of the smartest people I knew, but never boastful.” I’ve heard the refrain: “we had no idea all the things your Dad was doing until he was gone.” He was giving with his wisdom. We heard from dozens of people across Bridgespan about how my Dad mentored them during and after he left the company. Again, we had no idea. His brother, Cliff, who worked closely with him on the family farm described him as the best at summing up positions or coming up with ideas people hadn’t thought of. 

Curious

Similar words & phrases I’ve heard include: “zest for life”, adventurous and embraced uncertainty. Everyone who visited Dad & Mom in La Veta knew that this was his happy place and he wanted to explore it. He downloaded an app to identify plants and used it liberally on the property. And he loved sharing what he learned. Traveling and exploring the world was in his DNA. We had plans to travel to Glacier National Park together this fall. I found no fewer than 4 books on Montana in his bookcase.

Devoted

Similar words I’ve heard include passionate, caring, generous and loving. He was devoted to his family. He loved my Mom so deeply. According to a close college friend, “he was smitten and never interested in anyone else. His devotion to her was always present and became more and more non-verbal over time.” He loved his kids, which you could tell from the photos in his office, his curious questions about our lives, and the fact that he refused to dine at restaurants that wouldn’t hire one of us for a summer job (...me). In the last few years of my Grandfather’s life, my Dad took so much care to help him with his estate planning. He visited my Grandparents monthly and always helped with whatever he could, even when that just meant changing lightbulbs. He cared about his colleagues. From a colleague at Bridgespan: “He just never stopped thinking of and helping others.” He told a story of how, on their morning commutes to work, my Dad would help him workshop ideas, listen to complaints of difficult clients and ask eagerly about his family. 

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You know how you have someone in your life that makes you better just by always doing the right thing? That was my Dad. 

With all that, if there is one thing I can leave you with it’s to let my Dad live on through you and your actions. Think of what your 3 words are for Kirk - they may be different from mine. Share with others today. Channel your inner Kirk and live the fullest life as the most intelligent, curious and devoted version of yourself. I know I will.